Saturday, August 31, 2013

Out of the Closet

So, here is another thing about me that is going to show through in my blog posts: I'm a Christian.  If you do not share my faith perspective, please don't head for the hills.  Keep reading.

I'm a bit nervous to acknowledge my faith in this setting.  But I do so because it is important because my faith informs my world view.  It is going to shine through in my writing like it or not.  Indeed, my faith is a primary reason I'm drawn to the notion of voluntary simplicity.  So, it is important to be up-front about it.

But let me be clear why I'm nervous to share this.  I'm not in anyway ashamed of my faith; I tend to be quite open about it.  But because of that openness, I know from past experience that many will read the word "Christian" and make certain negative prejudgments about me.  The term often carries with it a lot of baggage in our culture.  Connotations of the dour anti-dancing preacher in Footloose or the judgmental nature of Dana Carvey's "Church Lady" are not uncommon.

And though I am devoutly Christian, that does not mean that I embrace certain beliefs you may associate with Christianity (or at least certain variants thereof).  For example, I don't believe that dinosaurs and humans walked the earth at the same time.  I don't believe feminists or homosexuals were responsible for the horrific suffering endured due to the 9/11 attacks.  I also don't believe the devastating earthquake that hit Port-au-Prince in 2010 was recompense for a pact that Haiti made with the devil centuries ago.  And if he were physically present on this planet today, I personally doubt the Son of God would lobby for a repeal of the estate tax.  But maybe that is just me.  Admittedly, I never went to seminary.

When addressing my political biases, I mentioned I didn't want this to be a political blog because I aspired for it to be broader in appeal. Similarly, I come to voluntary simplicity at least initially due to my faith, and many people of faith are also drawn to the concept.  But I don't intend in any way for this to be a "Christian blog." 

There is nothing wrong with having a Christian blog, there are some excellent ones out there.  But again I aspire that this particular blog would have a wider appeal.  Plenty of folks from other faiths--or no faith at all--are drawn to the notion of voluntary simplicity.  My hope is that whatever your spiritual perspective you will find something of value in this blog.

Friday, August 30, 2013

A Vacation From Politics

Ok, so, at the end of the last few posts my bleeding heart might have shown a bit.  Whoops!

This might be a good time to make clear that I don't in any way want this blog to become political.  I have plenty of other contexts for discussing politics and policy issues.  That is not the intended focus of this blog

Social justice is actually extremely important to me, and that alone is a great rationale for embracing voluntary simplicity.  But there are also plenty of other rationales that have nothing to do with social justice.  If your interest in voluntary simplicity is rooted in one of those other rationales, I don't want you to be deterred by a perception that this is a political blog.  It is not, so keep reading.

One reason this will not become a political blog is that partisanship often gets in the way of the greater good and needlessly tears people apart.  It often creates divisions that were not there previously and/or accentuates differences to divide people who otherwise have much in common.  In short, partisanship is the antithesis of community, while one aspect of voluntary simplicity that appeals to me is that it promotes community.  When we slow down and eschew all the modern busyness, we focus on building relationships and helping others.

For a variety of reasons, voluntary simplicity is something that appeals to many Americans regardless of our political affiliations.  More on that later in future posts.  But until then, please recognize that voluntary simplicity is not a red thing or a blue thing.  There are Libertarians, Democrats, Independents, Republicans, Green Partiers and unregistered voters--among others--who are drawn to the values of voluntary simplicity.  People from many different backgrounds, embracing many different worldviews are dissatisfied with the superficial, materialistic rat race that has become our modern culture.  I aspire that this blog will be a place where anyone and everyone who similarly experiences such dissatisfaction can find a bit of rest for tired bones and a weary soul.

Though I don't want this blog to be political, and I'd like to have as inclusive an approach to this topic as possible, please be aware that my own political orientation is going to creep in at times.  That is inevitable.  That is part of who I am.  But my promise to you the reader is that I'll try to keep the political references to a minimum.  I'll include them only when they are important to something I'm trying to describe or express.

And any such political references will not be included in an effort to push a particular political agenda.  I myself respect and even relish that we may come from different political backgrounds.  One thing I love in life is when people who are so incredibly different actually take time to listen to one another and come to realize they really have much in common.

Simultaneously, I encourage readers to be truly open-minded when they see a political reference.  Don't write me off just because you realize we vote for different candidates.  Keep reading.  Look for the common ground. 

And there should be something for pretty much everyone.  Some people who know me well think I'm a flaming liberal, while others think I'm a corrupt conservative.  I guess it all comes down to your perspective.  Again, I encourage you to be open-minded and see through the sometimes artificial labels that modern politics uses to divide people.  Again, look for the common ground.

Believe me, I appreciate how challenging it is to be open-minded in this day and age.  In recent times, due to the options we have in where we live, as well as the media choices available, many of us opt to only listen to those who agree with our own beliefs and can help reinforce them.  This has been dubbed the "echo chamber effect."  But in truth, that approach is just a form of intellectual masturbation.  It is self-indulgent and pointless.  Further, it can be misinforming if we don't get all the facts or hear contra-arguments.  To really understand the world, we need to be exposed to different perspectives and do the hard work of discerning truth for ourselves.  The bottom line is that echo chambers waste time on many levels, and, as mentioned in prior posts, time is precious.

In closing for today, if you see something in this blog that sounds political or seems to espouse an idea with which you disagree, please stick with me.  Don't write me off.  Something attracted you to the topic of this blog.  Keep reading even if you don't agree with me 100%.  One more time: look for the common ground.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Empathy as a By-Product

Over the years, one thing I've learned is that the more luxuries one has, the more difficult it can be to empathize with or truly serve those who suffer involuntary, material poverty.  That is one of many aspects of voluntary simplicity that appeals to me.  Social justice is a core value of mine and I aspire it to be a bigger part of my life going forward.  But I cannot truly serve those I do not understand, and I cannot relate to those in need if my life is so materially luxurious.

As  you might imagine, the recent shift in our family that permits me to stay home with our kids comes with a lot of financial sacrifice.  Our family income is dropping significantly.  And we're having to switch medical insurance from my employer to my husband's.  Unfortunately, their insurance is much more expensive than the one we had before.  It turns out that confluence of events means that a significant percentage of our household income will now go just to paying the premiums for our family's medical insurance. 

Initially, this dynamic really freaked me out.  I told my husband I was worried the numbers didn't work.  He's a (former) CPA, so I trust his math and his financial analysis.  He told me confidently, "I've run the numbers over and over.  We're frugal.  It is going to be fine.  But we are going to be like average families now.  Average families in the United States pay a crazy percentage of their income on medical premiums." 

His words really hit home with me, and I've been thinking about them every day since he shared them with me several weeks ago.  In our previous life, we had a lot more cushion in our family budget.  Though I've always been sympathetic to the poor, that cushion insulated us from many of the day-to-day challenges that most Americans face.  I feel like I've already gained a huge degree of understanding and even greater respect for those who have already been facing these challenges involuntarily. 

The moms and dads who go to extreme lengths to make the math work to put food on the table for their families are heroes, whom our society does not even feign to honor.  Instead, we often blame them for their poverty and vilify them.  ...Ah, but that is a different blog post for a different day.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Voluntary Simplicity v. Involuntary, Material Poverty

I recognize that not everyone reading this blog necessarily understands yet what the concept of "voluntary simplicity" is.  I'll explore that in more depth later in the blog.  But for now I just want to address one thing, of which I'm very conscious.  That is the privilege of embracing voluntary simplicity. 

By its name, the concept of voluntary simplicity suggests an affirmative decision to forego material things and excess activities in order to be more present in our lives and to be good stewards of our resources.  The concept is the opposite of involuntary material poverty that is thrust upon someone by circumstances beyond his or her control. 

The former is a choice to give up things that weigh us down and keep us from what is really important in life.  The former also recognizes that our modern Western consumptive lifestyle is not healthy or sustainable on either a micro or macro level.  The notion of voluntary simplicity presumes one's basic needs are met.  There is adequate food and shelter to maintain health.  But when one embraces voluntary simplicity, there is a conscious effort to try to avoid excess and overindulgence because such things distract from true happiness, and are unhealthy for both our bodies and our planet.

By contrast, involuntary, material poverty is not something to be glorified.  It is awful.  Working three demeaning jobs for minimum wage to avoid being kicked out of your apartment is not anything to which a rational human would aspire.  It is unfair that some have so many luxuries while others don't have enough to satisfy their bellies.  Such poverty also hurts in less tangible ways, particularly when you have dependents looking to you to fill their basic needs.  In no way do I embrace or advocate voluntary simplicity because I think being poor is glamorous or fun.  Due to various life experiences, I am under so such illusion. 

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Simply Sunday #1

Hi!  Happy Sunday!

I'm going to start a tradition that I'll call "Simply Sundays."  Every Sunday, I'm going to try to set aside a bit of time to just reflect back on the week--particularly the things I did (or didn't do) in an effort to simplify my life and that of my family.

To be honest, I had mixed emotions about this brainstorm initially.  Because of my professional life, I've become such a goal-oriented, Type A personality over the years.  Lists can kind of feed that tendency, and discourage me from simplifying. 

We also live in a culture of lists that are given more significance than they actually deserve.  ...It's midnight but I can't go to sleep yet because I haven't crossed off everything on my list.  Your school is #25 on the list, mine didn't even make it, so I'm a loser by comparison.  I'm ranked higher on the list than the guy in the next office; I get a bonus and he gets canned.

With all that, I'm a little wary of lists at times. But still, I'm going to give this tradition a try.  If I don't like how it is going after a while, I'll discontinue.  No prob. 

Right now, however, I do think there can be value in taking a step back to reflect on the week.  It can be insightful and encouraging to remember ways in which voluntary simplicity was integrated into the days that have just past.  After all, the point of this blog is to memorialize the journey as I try to embrace voluntary simplicity in a greater way.

Here goes...

This week my daughters and I were coming home from the grocery store when a voice from the back seat spotted a butterfly.  I pulled the car over in a safe place and we just watched it for a while.  How beautiful!  So fragile.  So precious.  We didn't literally stop to smell the roses.  (We didn't see any.)  But we did it figuratively.

As I'm winding down my responsibilities with my paid gig, there was an unexpected and very frustrating delay that was beyond my control.  This caused a bunch of headaches for me and normally it would have stressed me out a heck of a lot.  But I took it in stride, even put it out of my mind for the most part.  I went about my business without dwelling on the situation.  The quality of my week was greatly improved as a result.

In the middle of the week, I took time out to help my older daughter make her first cake.  I didn't rush the process or fuss when she made a mess.  I just encouraged her and was present to give her guidance.  She was very proud of herself at the end.  We all gave her a round of applause for a delicious dessert.  She seemed to enjoy the kudos.

Later the same day, my younger daughter asked me to color with her.  And I did!  We sat on the floor, plopped the coloring book on the coffee table, and colored with much contentment.  However, I admit I was a little too fast.  I have to remember it is about the journey, not the destination.  Especially when crayons are involved.  It is not a race to see who finished their picture first.  And it doesn't matter if the leaves are fuchsia. 

One more!  I tried out a new vegetarian recipe: carrot soufflĂ©.  It sounds harder than it actually was.  Pretty simple, pretty frugal.  Quite yummy and beautiful!  A hit with the whole family.

Enjoy your Sunday!

Saturday, August 24, 2013

The Preciousness of Time

One of the things that most impressed me about Ms. Strobel's book was her point that life is short and time is the most valuable resource we have.  We all hear such sentiments, but most of the time we merely pay lip service to them.  We're so busy running around in the busyness of our lives and checking off things on our never-ending to-do lists.

However, now that I'm firmly entrenched in my 40s, and my kids are nearing the threshold of their teen years, the reality of the preciousness of time has become clearer to me.  I can't put off spending time with my kids reading or teaching them important life skills.  That report for work frankly won't mean squat in 10 years.  But it would be a real travesty if I didn't make time to listen and be fully present when my kids asked, "You know what, Mom?"

And there are other things I still want to do with my life.  Things I'd like to do or at least try, and places I'd like to see.  I can't put those things off indefinitely.  Who knows how long I'll be on this planet.  There is a local community newspaper that I like to read.  Among other things, it has obituaries of residents who have died.  Most are in their 60s, 70s or 80s.  Occasionally there is one for a child or young adult, but fortunately those are pretty rare.  However, it is not as rare to see an obituary for someone my age or not far off.  None of us are guaranteed even another day of life.  We can't procrastinate with the big things of life.

I feel a little dense that it has taken until my 40s to really begin to get this.  I glean that Ms. Strobel is much younger than me.  And she had her critical epiphanies in her 20s.  Jeesh, I was just ramping up the busyness of my life in those years! 

But ultimately, it is not a competition.  And I am so grateful for the life experiences I've had up until this point.  They have taught me much.  Moreover, I am so incredibly excited about this next phase of my life.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Inspiration


Our family loves books.  The public library is one of favorite places ever.  We go there at least once each week.  Usually, I spend most of our visit in the kids' section helping my daughters find books they want to read.  In the past, I did not necessarily have time to look for something I wanted to read on my own.  But in anticipation of this huge crossroads in my life, on a recent visit, I picked up several nonfiction books on topics I want to explore more in coming months. 

One book was Tammy Strobel's You Can Buy Happiness (and It's Cheap):  How One Woman Radically Simplified Her Life and How you Can Too.  (How can you not be drawn to a title like that?!)  Over the years, I've read a lot of books on simple living.  They were all fascinating and helpful in their own way.  But one thing I particularly appreciated about Ms. Strobel's book was how down-to-earth and honest she was. 

Ms. Strobel admits she is not a perfect minimalist.  She loves buying books and indulging in chocolate.  She and her husband took on debt to downsize to a tiny home.  She shares in the book how she fretted this financial step backwards made her a fraud or hypocrite. 

But I love how Ms. Strobel is very forgiving.  Perfection is not the goal, which she reminds her readers often.  That is a tough lesson for us to learn in modern America where our culture sends us the opposite message all the time.  One screw up and you are out of a job, will be sued or will ruin your kids' lives.

Working towards an ideal like voluntary simplicity takes time.  You may never get to the ideal anyhow.  That's why it's an idea.  And everyone's circumstances are different.  Learning to slow down, stop all the busyness to enjoy a higher quality of life.  That is what counts.  No guilt trips if your circumstances put you in a home or a job that meets the needs of you and your family but may not be as simple as you would ultimately like.

Ms. Strobel's book describes her journey in simplifying her life, and also tells the stories of people she knows.  I like that.  We learn from hearing each other's stories. 

Some of what I read was familiar.  I had been through experiences like those of the people described in the book.  For example, Ms. Strobel talks about her miserable early career in the corporate world.  She was on what Sonja Lyubomirsky calls the "hedonistic treadmill" in her book The How of Happiness.  Many of us deal with the stress of our hectic lives by buying something, which is only a temporary salve and distraction, but ultimately leaves us unfulfilled.  Moreover, when we're on that "hedonistic treadmill," we often make things worse in the long run.  We spend from our savings or go into debt such that we are trapped in our miserable, overly demanding jobs to pay for the stuff we're buying but don't really need.

As much as I admire her and her book, let's get something straight:  Tammy Strobel and I live very different lives. 

She is married and has a cat, but no human children.  I'm married with two human kids and two canine ones.

In their journey to simplify, Ms. Strobel and her husband eventually went carless.  They now bike all over the place.  That ain't ever going to happen in my life!  I don't even aspire to it.  I live in a sprawling metropolitan area where cars are king and the heat is life-threatening in the summer.  We'd be more than inconvenienced if we had no car.  We'd rarely be able to go anywhere and our lives would be in danger!

Ms. Strobel and her husband also moved to a tiny home consisting of 128 square feet.  That ain't ever happening in my life either.  Again, I don't even aspire to it.  Even if we doubled the square footage and looked at a 250ish square foot home, that would not be attractive.  We have active children and we spend a lot of time together at home.  It would not improve the quality of our lives to be so pressed for space.  I'm not going to make our kids give up all their toys.  And unlike Ms. Strobel and her husband, if someone in our family wants alone time, we cannot just venture out for a walk or bike ride by him or herself.  Our kids are too young for that.

Pointing out these differences are not a criticism of Ms. Strobel.  Not in the least.  Our family dynamics are different.  What works for one family may not work for another.  Ms. Strobel acknowledges that in her book.  Simplifying is not a one size fits all sort of thing.

Even though I'll likely never live the "radically simplified" life that Tammy Strobel writes about in her book, I found much that inspired me in her words. 

Many bits of inspiration were actually concepts that I'd read about in the past, but had lost sight of over time.  (I've had a particularly intense professional life the past few years and my kids have gotten older, which means their needs are more complex.)  In that sense, Ms. Strobel's book was a great reminder of past lessons I'd learned but forgotten to some extent.

But I also learned new things in her book,  On pp. 10-11, she writes about Tim Kasser's book The High Price of Materialism.  She sums up Professor Kasser's findings: "In short, materialism distracts us from two main facets in life that actually make us happy--strong relationships and doing work you love."  I loved that summary. 

Strong relationships and doing work you love.  That's what it is really all about, isn't it? 

For so long, I've spent most of my waking hours doing work for my paid gig.  Much of it had become drudgery and full of office politics.  It was draining.  There were aspects I liked very much.  But over time, it seemed like those became less and less a part of my job.    

Meanwhile, I feel like to some extent I've missed some of my kids' childhood.  Mommy was always so busy, so much to do for her paid job.  There are only so many hours in the day, and I didn't always have a lot of time to spend with my kids.  I'm anxious to not miss any more.

As I go through this journey, I'm going to try to return to this summary as my priorities.  Building strong relationships and doing work you love. 


Thursday, August 22, 2013

Why Blog?

Good question. 

I started this blog on a whim, so to be honest, I don't really have a well-thought out explanation.

Here's what I can tell you so far...

I've been interested in the concept of voluntary simplicity for almost a decade now.  I'm no radical or anything. We have a pretty big house and two cars.  But our family has tried over the years to incorporate aspects of voluntary simplicity into our lives.  However, I've been a busy mom with a demanding job.  Life has not been as simple as I'd have liked.

But I'm now at an interesting crossroads in my life.  I'm in my 40s.  Officially middle-aged.  Not having a mid-life crisis or anything, but we've made a pretty huge professional shift in our family and the bottom line is I'll be staying home full-time with our kids.  I'm thrilled for a number of reasons.  But one great aspect is that I will now have the time to really focus more on truly simplifying our lives to better enjoy them.

I'd like to document that process of slowing down and getting more out of life.  I imagine it won't be easy.  I'll learn a lot.  Maybe those life lessons will help others.

Let's go!