Thanksgiving

OK, we're within 48 hours of the big day. 

Thanksgiving is a fabulous holiday.  The point is to give thanks to one's deity for the blessings in our lives.  And it is a secular holiday, so even if you believe in no deity, you can still take time out to be mindful of your good fortune.  Modern medicine has proven that such mindfulness contributes to a range of physical and mental health benefits.

Beyond giving thanks for blessings, a secondary point to Thanksgiving is to gather together with others.  We spend time with family and/or friends.  It is considered less than ideal to spend the holiday alone.  In my adult life, when I've known folks who would be alone on the holiday, I always invite them to join my family.  They are always glad to get the invite.  It would be depressing to spend Thanksgiving by oneself.

Note that both giving thanks (or mindfulness) and spending times with loved ones are quintessentially part of the ethos of voluntary simplicity.  So in some ways, for those who embrace a simpler life, Thanksgiving is our most important holiday.  What could be better than gathering together with people you love (or hopefully at least like) to eat some yummy food and spend some quality time.

But in my lifetime, I've seen Thanksgiving become less and less recognizable. 

First, it degenerated to a day when people sit in front of the TV watching football all day, maybe while munching on a turkey drumstick.  Despite being native Texans, our family watches only one football game a year--typically the Super Bowl.  And frankly even then, we're only in it for the nachos. To me, if you are staring at a TV screen all day and screaming for some gladiator to mercilessly tackle another, you have overlooked the point of Thanksgiving.

And there have always been issues about going overboard with the feast. Some women (and occasionally men) who are responsible for preparing the feast for their families feel tremendous stress to provide a dining experience that Martha Stewart with her team of staff could produce. I know women who get up in the middle of the night and are virtually slaves of their own kitchen on Thanksgiving while everyone else is elsewhere having fun.  They fret for weeks over concocting the right menu.  Then they don't get to enjoy the day because they are trying to produce a dizzying array of dishes in a finite timeframe.  They are worried about being judged or not adequately impressing their guests.  Again, that misses the point of Thanksgiving.

But by far, the worst perversion of Thanksgiving has come in recent years with the encroachment of the commercial exploitation of Christmas.  I am a Christian of over a quarter century, so I can tell you with some authority that no where in either the Hebrew Scripture or the New Testament is there even a suggestion that one must stand in line to buy a Play Station or plasma screen TV in order to properly celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace.

It always made me sad that after the simple calm and gratitude of Thanksgiving, people would head out the very next day to spend hours in stores.  It seemed like a cruel irony.  We spend time giving thanks, then we run around like maniacs trying to accumulate more and more because apparently what we just gave thanks for was insufficient.

However, things got worse over time.  At least initially Black Friday started at a normal time.  We could enjoy our Thanksgiving and recover a bit Thursday night and Friday morning.  But then retailers began to open their doors earlier and earlier Friday morning.  I began to know people who would plan their Thanksgiving around that.  They had to finish Thanksgiving at an earlier hour, so they could go to bed early to wake up early to get to the stores.  How perverse!

But then a few years ago, the unthinkable began to happen.  Some retailers began to open for a few hours on Thursday evening to get a jump start on Friday shopping.  I wasn't even aware of this until a friend of mine explained that she and a friend were combining their families' Thanksgiving celebration so they could finish early and hit the special Thursday sale while the husbands watched football.  This is a dear friend of mine.  Her plans just depressed me more than I can say.

Meanwhile, the deals have gotten more and more attractive--luring more and more customers in either on Thursday or at crazy early hours on Friday morning.  The term "door buster" was coined with sad irony because people desperate to get limited deals on waffle irons and computers trampled other human beings in the process. 

And that is after many camp for days, sometimes as much as a week, outside a store to get such deals.  Think about that.  Where does one go to the bathroom?  It is cold at night outside, even in the Sunbelt.  Forcibly, one has totally foregone any feigned attempt to celebrate Thanksgiving if one spent it in a tent outside a Best Buy.  Even if it is the biggest TV or snazziest iPad or gaming device, is it really worth days of your life when you might be doing other things?  What a deeply sad state of affairs.

On social media, I've seen people decry the deterioration of Thanksgiving in this way.  So I know I'm not the last person in America to feel this way, though it sometimes feels like it.  Many such persons vilify the retailers for offering such deals at such times.  There is some validity to that finger wagging.  But others rightfully point out that the retailers are simply meeting a demand.  It is the consuming public that is to blame for this state of affairs. 

Personally, I think there is some truth to both sides.  We see a similar situation in the disastrous war on drugs in this country.  We vilify the parasitic, often violent drug dealers.  They are to blame and if we just round them all up, the problem would go away.  Only it doesn't work that way because our nation has such a huge demand for narcotics that others rise up to fill that demand.  I would never defend drug dealers.  I think they are exploitive and greedy, doing unconscionable harm.  But it is too easy to just blame the dealers when the demand is apparently so great.  We need to look at our own contribution to the situation in creating the demand the dealers meet. 

Very similar dynamic with regard to retail sales at Thanksgiving.  I do hold responsible the stores that offer these crazy door busters at insane times.  But even if Walmart and Target refrained, other stores would spring up to fill the void because a lot of otherwise sane folks are willing to sacrifice Thanksgiving for cheap consumer goods.  Shame on us all.

But I invite you to be different, to take the path less traveled so to speak.  I encourage you to focus on the true meaning of Thanksgiving--to create a simple and enjoyable meal so you can spend the day just relaxing and enjoying the company of your friends and/or family. 

Moreover, I encourage you to not be a part of this modern cultural madness.  My husband and I are frugal and try to be good stewards of our finances.  We buy things when they are on sale whenever possible.  But I'm not even looking at any of the ads for this week and no one in our family is going shopping Thursday or Friday.

I know others take similar pledges.  On social media, I saw one young man dismiss all the handwringing about the perversion of Thanksgiving by pointing out that if we abstain from all the consumption, we are not impacted in the least by the madness of Black Friday spilling over onto Thanksgiving.  I was struck by what an insensitive, privileged statement this was.  Based on the context of this statement, I glean that this man was well-educated and had a good job that did not require him to work on Thanksgiving.  Not everyone has those advantages. 

I know several people who work at grocery stores who have to work all day on Thursday.  And it has nothing to do with door busters.  Their corporate bosses decided it was important to stay open for all the folks on Thursday who begin to make the mashed potatoes but run out of butter or who realize they didn't buy enough sparkling apple juice for everyone who will be at their table.  Don't forget the folks working this other end of retail sales at grocery stores.  If you pledge to abstain from shopping during Thanksgiving, make sure you don't breach that pledge by running to the Ralph's or Piggly Wiggly for last minute groceries.  Plan ahead, make sure you have what you need for all your recipes, and find work-arounds on Thursday if you don't.

In closing, I just encourage you to do your part to take back Thanksgiving from the retail madness and restore it to its original, beautiful purpose.  Take time to appreciate your life and the people in it.  Enjoy!

Simply Sunday #11

So this week, I don't think I did all that much to simplify my life.  But the point of voluntary simplicity is not simplifying for simplicity's sake.  It is to simplify so that you are spending your finite hours doing things that are worthy of your time, not wasting your life on pointless pursuits.  I have done several things that are in line with an attempt to get more out of life.  Here are a couple things I did (or didn't do) this week that are in line with this ethos:

(1) I'm appreciating my belongings.  I have been cleaning out my house slowly this fall.  Trying to get rid of things that I don't use or need.  I've given a lot to thrift stores.  And cleaning out helps me to see what I own.  I've realized some things I was holding on to are just broken and need to be thrown out.  And some things I'm rediscovering with gladness.  I recently realized my 17 year old tea kettle needed replacement.  I did that last week and I've been enjoying tea again.  I've even learned out to make chai latte, which is a fun way to start my day.  Several of the items in this list flow from this new found pleasure in tea drinking.

(2) I had some herb tea one afternoon.  I always start my day with some tea for the caffeine.  But that is all I have.  I'm too sensitive to caffeine to have more than that.  And I'm always running around, too busy to have tea without caffeine.  The other day, however, I made time to make myself a little pot of herb tea and enjoyed it throughout the afternoon.  What a lovely little luxury!

(3) I rearranged my teas.  So, I wasn't even drinking tea much, but I had quite a collection.  I've been slowing working my way through it this fall.  But particularly as I have been drinking more tea this week, I've found that the little containers I used to organize different types were chaotic.  So, I took a few minutes (while waiting for water to boil!) to organize my stash.  Now I can find non-caffeinated teas quickly if I get a moment to enjoy some.

(4) I have been focusing more on relationships.  I haven't gotten as much done in terms of de-cluttering our home this week, but that is ok.  I'm focusing more time on relationship.  I am blessed to have a lot of wonderful folks in my life, but that takes time to make time for us to spend together.  A good chunk of my free time this week went to that.  Our garage is still a disaster area, but still it was time well spent.

(5) I have also been focusing more on my dreams for the next phase of my life.  There are several different "projects" I want to embark on as I enter this new season of my life.  It is hard to get started and to figure out all the details.  But I'm not getting deterred.  I'm moving forward and making solid steps to make things happen.

(6) I've fed my spirit.  There are a couple things that fall into this category but one is that I went to a meditation class offered at my church this week.  They have been offering these every week for a long time.  They always sounded neat, but I couldn't ever find time to go.  When I was working, Sunday nights were a busy time when we were all trying to get ready for the week.  And this fall, I've been keeping a standing commitment with my mom to attend a concert series.  Now that is over, and I finally got a chance to attend the meditation class. 

As I prepared to go to the class, I was nervous.  Meditation is a little whoo-whoo in my book.  I'm a native Texan.  No offense to anyone, but culturally I get a little skeptical about things that are at all new agey.  And I'm a Type A personality with a never ending to-do list.  It is hard for me to sit for long periods and "do nothing." 

In college, I also had a bad experience at a Quaker quiet meeting.  Only five of us showed up.  Everyone was so sweet, but we almost immediately went into a 60 minute session of everyone sitting quietly in silent prayer in close quarters.  I spent the whole time desperately trying to not look at my girl friend whom I had convinced to go with me, I knew we'd burst into a fit of giggles if we made eye contact.  I was also struggling to not giggle even with my eyes closed.  And I was very worried my tummy would grumble because it was lunch time.  It was not exactly a spiritual experience as I prayed over and over: "Lord, help me not laugh or have a growling tummy!"

With that history, and some trepidation, I went to the meditation class at my church.  It was lovely.  And I did fine.  No urge to giggle.  I don't think I had any tummy noises, though I heard some around me.  That is fine.  And I was amazed at how long the class lasted.  I had told my family I'd be home in an hour.  The class lasted 1 1/2 hours!  But I thoroughly enjoyed myself and felt at peace.  I've also felt like I've had several important epiphanies and important moments of self-understanding this week.  Anyhow, I cannot go again this week, but I am going to make a tremendous effort to go again soon.

I hope you are having a lovely Sunday!

Back to the Backstory

OK, so I explained how I first came across the concept of voluntary simplicity by accident at a difficult time in my life.  I was running fast on the treadmill wondering if this was all that life had in store, hoping there might be more.  I was so moved by Mr. Shut's book.  And I sensed real truth in the words and ideas I found in its pages.  (Actually, Truth with a capital "t.")  The life I was living did not seem to match my core values as a Christ follower.  My life did not immediately change, but I did have a huge epiphany that scrambling to climb the corporate ladder was pointless and not what I wanted out of life.

But my life did not change over night for several reasons. 

First, a lot of folks wish they had the opportunity to be on that ladder.  I had worked very hard and had good luck.  Plenty of folks I went to law school with would have given much for access to the ladder.  And I was doing a better job climbing it than others on the ladder with me at that point.  Moreover, the nature of the job market in corporate America was such that if I stepped off the ladder, I would never get that opportunity again.  Once off the ladder, someone else takes your spot and you are deemed to not be qualified enough to climb any more.  I'm not a rash person, so I didn't just finish Mr. Shut's book, then walk into my boss's office and quit.

Plus by that time, my husband and I were parents, and we were anticipating the adoption of our second child very soon.  We also had a mortgage, car loans, as well as my student loans.  So, jumping off the treadmill immediately seemed implausible and irresponsible.  But something in my heart had changed.  I had become very aware of the futility of office politics and the emptiness of the suburban mini-mansions filled with stylish furnishings.

During that time of my life, when I thought about what did fill my life with meaning, what I wanted to fill it with instead of workplace pettiness and well-appointed homes, it was clear to me the answer was my family.  I had a husband I thought was pretty awesome, but we didn't get to spend enough time together.  We had an amazing toddler whom we never got to see except for brief period right before and after she went to bed.  For years, I'd heard that for working parents, "quality time" was key.  But I was finding that quality was rather pointless if the quantity was so scarce.  We had so little time with our daughter, we were about to have a second child in our family and we were scrambling to find time to do laundry or get some prepackaged food from the store.  My husband and I both had such demanding corporate jobs, we weren't living.  In retrospect, we were barely hanging on.

Finally, I had an even greater epiphany.  I was reading a number of books on voluntary simplicity at that point.  (More on those later!)  And I had realized that becoming a one income family would greatly simplify our lives and give us more time as a family.  My husband was on a business trip when I had this big epiphany, so I noodled on it a couple days before I got a chance to share it with him.  By then, I had thought it through more and realized that for a number of reasons, at least on paper, it made more sense for him to quit his job.  I made more money and he had been in his profession much longer than me, so he would more easily be able to get back into the work force later on in time.  He had been traveling in remote parts of Oklahoma visiting his company's oil fields when after several days he was somewhere where he got a bit of cell phone signal.  We only had a moment, so after he shared a bit about his trip, I blurted out my epiphany quickly.  He was outside on top of a windy hill, he asked, "You want me to do what?"  I repeated my brainstorm.  The phone went silent, I thought maybe he had lost signal.  I asked if he were still there.  His voice dropped deadpan and he simply said, "We're going to have to talk when I get home."

We did eventually talk about the idea at length.  Pretty quickly, he agreed about the logic of having one of us stay home, particularly after we adopted our second child.  It took more discussion, but soon he agreed that all signs seemed to point to him being the stay-at-home parent.  We were both so thrilled.  We made the decision with time to spare, so we had time to work at scaling back our spending, paying off some of our debt, and stocking away some savings.  By the time our second child came along, we were in good shape for him to leave his career.

So, we had several years when I was the sole breadwinner and we had more time as a family.  My husband took over all the household responsibilities, so when I was home, we could focus on being together and enjoying each other's company--not rushing to the dry cleaner's while trying to figure out we'd feed everyone for supper.  Those were good times.  But as I progressed in my career, I was constantly working to set barriers and eek out a personal life.  It was always a struggle.  And I had reason to fear that eventually I would lose in the battle to not have my career consume my life.  There were some sane, humane people in the managerial ranks at my company who had been somewhat supportive of my efforts at work-life balance.  But I could see the writing on the wall.  Those folks would be retiring before long and the men who were poised to take their place were single-minded and unsympathetic to anything but the bottom line. 

Due to this situation, I decided to make a huge career change and go into academia.  It is notoriously competitive to become a tenure-track professor, it is something people in my profession carefully plan and prepare for before going on the market.  However, on a last minute whim one year, I threw my hat in the ring and got very lucky.  It was scary.  Accepting the job meant giving up not only a very lucrative and stable career with my company, but my husband would be forever giving up on his career since we had to move to an entirely different part of the country where his resume would be less relevant.  But we took the plunge.  The lure of a much more flexible schedule and summers off at least in some respects was appealing.  I was also excited to do work that I thought I would find more meaningful.  I like mentoring young people, exploring ideas and writing.

Initially, my schedule was pretty good and life was great.  I've always enjoyed the people I worked with, but as an academic I particularly loved and respected my colleagues.  What a diverse, dedicated, talented group of folks.  But there were administrative issues.  We had three deans in my first three years.  All of that became more and more of a drain for the school's focus, and to my great disappointment the office politics became worse than anything I've ever experienced in any other workplace. 

Meanwhile, my children were getting older and I had felt like I had really missed out.  Their childhood had passed me by!  I'd always hoped and planned that we'd adopt again, but I blinked and found myself in my 40s.  It was dawning on me this was not something I could continue to push off into the nebulous future.  And in the midst of all this, my husband had gone back to school and had begun a new career in a helping profession.  The writing on the wall had become clear that now I needed to step off the career freeway for a while.

So that brings me up to the present day.  Homeschooling stay-at-home mom looking to possibly adopt again.  And finally having the time for life that I've craved for years.  Though even without a paid gig, there are still not enough hours in the day!

I want to flag that that has been just my journey towards voluntary simplicity, but that is certainly not the only path.  I've known people who've taken very different paths.  You don't have to be a parent or a white collar worker or married to embrace simplicity.  I think all it really takes is an awareness of the emptiness of our modern American lifestyle that focuses on working to consume more than we need, and a hope that there might be another way.

I'm here to encourage you that there is!

Simply Sunday #10

Hello!  Hope your Sunday is going well.

Because we've been traveling, I haven't posted for a while.  And we just got back home from our final trip, so I don't have a whole lot to offer for this week's installment of Simply Sunday, but here goes:

(1) Reorganized some kitchen cabinets and laundry room shelves.  For most of our kids' lives to-date, my husband was the stay-at-home parent and I was the sole breadwinner.  So he was in charge of the house.  He is very good at many domestic things, but he is organizationally challenged in a major way.  I'm not organized by my inherent nature, but I've seen what happens when there is not structure and organization.  Resources get wasted--be they time, money, appliances, etc.  You just get more out of life with less effort if you are organized.  So I always joke that if being disorganized were a disease, I'd be working my way through the 12 Steps, while my husband would still be in denial that he had a problem.  So with that back story, imagine the transition as we flip roles this fall such that he becomes the sole breadwinner and I take charge of the home!  Yikes.  Suffice it to say I've been incredibly frustrated at the amount of clutter and flat out mess as I open cabinets and doors I've ignored the past many years.  I've been trying to declutter my own excess, while encouraging him to clean out/up his many messes.  Having lukewarm success on these things.  Rome was not built in a day, and meanwhile life goes on, so we cannot focus 100% on construction.  (Or de-construction, in our case.)  So, this week, I've tried to begin focusing on reorganizing the kitchen and laundry room now that I'm using those parts of our home more.  I'm really excited!  Not nearly close to being done, mind you. But I'm seeing light at the end of the tunnel.  I'm finding things I didn't know we had that frankly will come in handy.  Christmas has come early!  And I'm looking forward to taking care of business more now that at least some things will be easier to find.  Although please pray that the organization takes root.  Despite my pleading over the years, my husband has a not-so-endearing habit of stuffing junk places it doesn't belong.  In the immortal words of George Costanza: Serenity Now, Serenity Now!

(2) Used neglected appliances, got rid of broken one.  So one of the by-products of my reorganization of at least some kitchen cabinets is that I'm finding--or at least getting access to--appliances that had not been used in a while.  I don't want to keep things we won't get use out of.  That just clutters our home, complicates our lives, and they could be used and appreciated by other folks.  So, in light of this situation, as I write there is fresh bread baking in our bread machine.  Booya!  And paninis and/or waffles may be in the near future.  I'm also thinking of the many types of hummus I could make with the food processor.  Meanwhile, as I do this initial inventory, I have come to the realization that the tea kettle we got as a wedding present 17 years ago has bit the dust in multiple, unfixable ways.  It is in the recycle bin, not appropriate for donation to a thrift store or other charity.  And because I drink tea every morning to get my caffeine fix, my husband researched and bought me a handy-dandy new electric tea kettle that goes on the kitchen counter and will no longer take up space on my stove, which made cooking tricky.  Simple pleasures!

(3) Been more cognizant of the façades we build.  Another thing I've been doing lately is inspired by my recent traveling.  When we travel, we get out of our homes, our routines, our ways of doing things, and we're exposed to different people and different ways of living.  I find that fascinating!  In doing that, I've just become more and more cognizant that no one's life is perfect.  Every relationship, every house, every job has flaws.  When we only look at the surface, things seem glamorous and in place.  If we then compare that façade to our imperfect lives, it is depressing and demoralizing!  But I've been thinking more and more about how there is imperfection in everyone's lives, and as I'm traveling, I see evidence of that all around me.  It is a real comfort and encouraging.  It helps me feel less frustrated about the imperfections in my own life.

(4) Taking time for fun, people.  Traveling has also liberated me from routine to focus on having fun and making the people in my life a priority.  I'm always so task-oriented.  That has served me well in both my professional and personal life.  I've had a great career, and I have a blessed home life.  But being so task-oriented, that can get in the way of having fun and building memories.  As people I've known pass away--sometimes in old age, but sometimes prematurely at way too young an age--I have sometimes been struck by how I missed opportunities with them.  I don't believe in wallowing in guilt or regret.  That is not productive.  But I do believe in seeing where we went astray and trying our best to not make the same mistakes (or similar ones) in the future.  None of us knows how much time we have on this planet.  We're fools if we think we're guaranteed a certain number of decades.  So it is important to recognize this dynamic and take every day as a gift, get everything out of it we can.  I've made some great memories with my kids recently, from collecting shells to trying new kinds of olives to teaching them about the internet.  I'm so grateful for those opportunities.  Don't want to pass up others!

So in that spirit. . . go out and make it a great one!

Visiting

Our family has been traveling and visiting loved ones, so I have not had time to blog much recently.

This is going to sound weird but I love funerals and visiting for similar reasons.  I warned you this would sound weird, so let me explain. 

Certainly, I don't enjoy grief or seeing others in pain at the loss of someone they love.  Mourning is not the part of funerals I like.  But if you can get beyond that, I find funerals educational and encouraging.  I enjoy hearing about how the deceased person lived their life.  The rest of us in the room still have some time on this planet, though none of knows exactly how much.  We should make the best out of whatever time we have.  And hearing how someone else used their time is insightful to me and inspires me.  I always learn things that help me to be a better person.  For that reason, I appreciate funerals a great deal.  They force us to step back from our hectic lives to pause and reflect.  Is this really how we want to spend our limited time?  If not, what can we change?

Similarly, I enjoy visiting people.  Whether I go to someone's home for a few hours or for days, I enjoy seeing how people live their lives.  Again, I find that insightful and inspiring.

In our traveling, our family spent about a week at the home of some folks we love.  I have a couple things I learned from that experience:

(1) No one's home is perfect and the longer you live in it, the more likely you will realize this.  I don't mean for this to sound ugly, I don't intend it like that in the least.  Here's the back story.  I'm not the sort of woman who spends tons of time and effort on home décor.  I think that is interesting.  I like visually pleasing things as much as anyone.  But I guess, ultimately, that sort of thing is not my cup of tea.  There are other things I'd rather do with my time and money.  I'm more of a functional sort of home decorator.  I like to have interesting things decorating my home, but I'll never make the cover of Architectural Digest or even Cottage Living.  That is fine.  But sometimes I begin to feel insecure when I visit someone else's home and it just is so clean and hip looking.  It makes me feel like a slacker/slob/loser.  The home we were visiting was just amazing.  A historic home that had had interior updates to make it more functional and hipper.  On our first few days as guests, I felt like such a schlub.  Why didn't our family live in such a cool home?  How could our hostess keep it so spotless so effortlessly while we seem to constantly have dust and pet stains on our carpet?!  But the longer we spent in the house, I could begin to see the imperfections.  You don't notice a house's imperfections immediately.  If you are just staying for a meal, cards or a children's play date, you may not be there long enough to see.  But the more times you use the bathroom, eat in the kitchen, walk in and out of the front door, you do begin to see the places where the paint has chipped, the tile wasn't aligned right, or the hinges are coming loose.  This was so reassuring to me.  It made me feel like less of a schlub on many levels.  I realized that I notice the imperfections of my home because I'm in it so much, but others who come visit us don't necessarily notice all of them unless they are staying longer than a few hours.  And it helped me recognize that when I go to someone's house for just a few hours and I feel in such awe of their home, there is probably a lot of imperfection I'm just not noticing because I'm not there long enough to get a good look!

(2) I really enjoy our home being in tune with the elements outdoors.  Our hosts have some health issues such that they don't open their windows and the interior is always climate controlled.  I certainly appreciate that, but at our house we take a different approach, which I grew to really appreciate during our visit.  For many reasons, we try to use a/c and heat as sparingly as we can.  We open windows whenever possible.  In winter, we take advantage of passive solar during the day, we put on layers of thermal clothing, and sleep with lots of warm blankets at night.  In summer, we use curtains to block the sun, we have fans all over the house and we drink lots of cold beverages.  At times, it is a bit of a sacrifice to not use a/c and heat more.  But one thing I really like is that it helps us to be in tune with nature.  Previously when we used a/c and heat more liberally, we were literally and figuratively insulated from what was happening outside.  Now I realize I don't like that.   I like to hear the birds chirping outside.  I like to have the sun light up our home in cooler months.  I don't want to be so cool in my home that I'm shocked at the heat when I go outside. 

(3) Relationships are so important.  Traveling required us to take a break from homeschooling, church and our kids' sports.  I'm so task oriented, that makes me a bit nervous.  But taking time to be with my kids and to be with the family we visited is so important.  Relationships don't just happen.  They need time and attention.  It is good to do that.  Ultimately, it is the people in our lives who are most important anyhow.  And frankly, I just really enjoy getting to know people better--whether it is someone in my immediate family whom I see every day but don't have time to be silly with or someone I don't get to see on a regular basis.  People are interesting.  I like hearing their stories and struggles and interests and quirkiness.  It is fun and I learn a lot from them in various ways.

(4) Messes aren't the end of the world.  Ok, so I'm not into fancy home décor, but I'm rather mess averse.  One of my big triggers/stressors is when my kids or husband spill something or leaves crumbs.  Part of this is just that I have had trouble training my husband of nearly 20 years to clean up thoroughly and it has a trickle down effect with my kids.  That is the bane of my existence at times.   And I grew up in a densely populated urban area where any trace of food not cleaned up would exacerbate the bug problems our apartment complex was always fighting with fairly intense extermination sprayings.  But our hostess was so calm when kids spilled drinks at the dining room table or things got messy when we cooked together.  This helped everyone be happier and enjoy each other more.  I know I would not have been so gracious about spills and would likely have not even attempted cooking with a kitchen full of kids, which would have been a shame.  So, I don't know how long it will last, but I am going to try to be more laid back about messes.  Our hostess had no carpet, so I think that does make a difference.  Non-carpeted surfaces like in our home are easier to clean.  Nonetheless, I can try to be less uptight about messes.