Kids' Recreational Sports Leagues

So here in the 'burbs, there can be a lot of social pressure to spend money in ways we don't need or want to.  I promised I'd share some real life examples.  Here is one that I constantly find frustrating.  It comes in the context of the recreational sports leagues we sign our kids up for.

Let me back up by saying that my husband and I were never jocks.  But we appreciate the role of athletics in helping kids to grow and learn.  Beyond giving them exercise to be healthy, organized sports teaches them all kinds of great lessons.  Team work.  Perseverance.  Setting goals.  Leadership.  Hard work.  Slow improvement over time.  Empathy.  Respect for others.  For these and other reasons, we have long had our kids in community sports programs for soccer, basketball, volleyball and swimming. 

The cost is typically not that bad because they are run by the cities where we've lived and we get a resident discount.  For the most part, these have been great experiences.  Our kids have learned a lot each time. 

But there are hidden costs in many cases.  Most are socially instigated by other parents.  Let me share some examples.  If you are a parent, this may be familiar to you.

(1) Team Photos.  As I was never in organized sports as a kid, this one caught me off-guard.  But every single team my kids have been on has had a designated picture day.  We all have to get to the field or pool an hour or more early to wait around and then get our picture taken.  There are typically group and individual photos.  The first few times we ordered a modest package of photos.  We did this for two main reasons.  First, we had more income in those days and it wasn't that big a deal to us.  Second, everyone else was doing it and we didn't want to look cheap.  Note that neither reason involved wanting the darned pictures.  We can take our own darn pictures, thank you very much.  I never like cheesy, staged photos anyhow. 

But one year, during the height of the Great Recession, I noticed a single mom of one of my daughter's teammates was holding her kid back, he was the only one on the team not participating in photos.  From some basic stuff the mom had previously shared, it didn't take a genius to figure out they didn't have a lot of money.  Professional photos from the soccer season weren't in the budget.  I felt profoundly sad that that mom and her child seemed to be embarrassed to be the odd ones out and their lack of funds was the cause of that.  That was the last time we ordered the photos from one of my kids' sports teams. 

We still always dutifully show up for the team photo, but we don't take the individual photos.  We could afford them.  But there are always opportunity costs with every purchase.  There are other things I'd rather do with our money than buy overpriced, staged photos. 

And normally I am second to none in my admiration and support of small businesses.  But I take exception when it comes to the professional photographers that take these team pictures.  All the parents feel guilted into buying a package.  It is an extortive way to make a living and doesn't provide much (if any) social good.

(2) Snacks.  I don't know if it has always been this way, but ever since my kids began participating in organized sports, there is an unwritten rule that the kids must be rewarded with a snack after the game.  Heck, sometimes, the unwritten rule says they also get one at half time!  The only exception seems to be swim team.  But that is probably only because food is not allowed by the pool.

Occasionally a coach will strongly recommend that the snacks be fresh fruit.  But usually the parents buy whatever they want and the snacks are highly processed, high in sugar and/or fat.  The kids get cookies, potato chips, snack bars, etc. to eat.  Along with sugary punch or sports drinks. 

We live in a hot climate, so I'm down with orange wedges or grapes at half time.  But anything else, I find wasteful and counterproductive.  There is a childhood obesity epidemic.  A lot of the kids on the sports teams are a bit pudgy. Occasionally a teammate is obese and has trouble even participating. 

In light of the reality, I don't know why we insist in filling kids with empty calories after they just burned some off.  And the snacks are typically processed and sold in wasteful packaging.  Just one team's post-game snack creates a lot of trash, most of it not even recyclable. 

But this is one modern tradition that I cannot get out of gracefully.  Everyone is expected to sign up to bring snack at least one game of the season.  So, I grin and bear it.  And I at least try to watch sales and get the most economical snacks I can find.

(3) Coach's Gift.  Towards the end of the season, invariably some parent takes it upon him/herself to organize a taking up of money to buy the coach a gift.  Our family tends to like to bake some homemade cookies for our kids' coaches as a more personal, less expensive gift.  Sometimes that works to gracefully get out of the group gift.  And other times, the coach has been so exceptional and the suggested donation is low enough that we chip in.  But often, the organizing parent has a particular item in mind and it is premised upon everyone chipping in a fixed amount that is higher that my husband and I think appropriate. 

It is not that we are ungrateful, far from it.  Volunteer coaches have one of their own kids on the team.  They don't volunteer to get a trophy or plaque or gift card.   I think we should always show our heartfelt appreciation for those who volunteer their time for the good of the community.  But I resent pushy parents telling others they "have" to kick in a certain amount to buy the coach a meaningless piece of junk he/she is likely going to throw in a neglected corner of his/her garage (or in his/her garbage can) before long. 

Indeed, this whole tradition is part of a wider modern phenomenon of gift giving that I find toxic.  Holidays have been distorted and others have been invented just to promote gift giving.  We are now always giving people gifts to the point that the act loses its significance.  Moreover, some come to view them as an entitlement.  Someone recently asked me, "What did your family give you for Mother's Day?"  I wasn't sure how to answer, we don't give gifts at all holidays like that.  My kids and I instead volunteered to cook a special meal for some homeless families at our church.  It was a glorious day.  Our project and the time with my kids made me very happy.

(4) Trophies.  So many people these days mock the current generation of kids and young adults because they are being raised or were raised in a culture where prizes have become meaningless.  Everyone gets a prize for showing up.  The modern mindset is that to distinguish some as better than others would hurt some kids' feelings, so everyone gets a science fair ribbon or a sports trophy.  I have a lot of sympathy for those who are disgusted with this modern approach.  But I can tell you that here in the trenches, it is mighty hard to buck this trend. 

My oldest daughter has been participating in organized sports for 7 years now.  We have an entire shelf in our home library just covered with trophies from all the teams she has been on.  She is no Mia Hamm or Brittney Griner.  She tries her best and has improved over the years.  But we're not betting on a sports scholarship for college.  Yet she has more sports trophies than we can store.  Each one was something that every player in the whole league got for just showing up.  On the last day of each season, the league organizers have to lug boxes of the darned things to the games. 

Alternately, some leagues don't provide the trophy, but invariably some parent takes it upon him/herself to organize the purchase of trophies for everyone.  My husband and I always try to resist.  It is hard because invariably we are the ONLY family not chomping at the bit to buy another trophy, and typically there is a group discount that no one gets unless 100% of the players buy a trophy. 

This season we had an experience that really blew my mind.  The parent organizing the trophies for one of my daughter's soccer team asked at the beginning of the season if parents were interested in buying one to be handed out at the last game.  My husband and I politely and immediately flagged we would not be interested.  The organizing parent thanked us for our response, but then asked a number of other times to make sure since we were apparently the only family on the entire team declining to purchase the trophy.  I explained how we already had a ton of them from all the seasons our daughter had played sports and frankly we were out of room.  But this was not enough for this gentleman.  He ended up buying an engraved trophy with our daughter's name out of his own pocket so she wouldn't be the only one without a trophy at the end of season picnic, which we couldn't even attend since we had a prior commitment.  So we have the darned trophy anyhow!  And to make matters worse, it is so huge that it doesn't even fit on the shelf with all the others.  We've had to display it more prominently on a shelf with more space.  Oy, vey!

My other daughter played volleyball in a different league this season, and that league provided trophies for all players on the last day.  I was grateful to not have to deal with the issue of paying for the burden of another trophy.  However, I found it astounding that she and her teammates got a trophy because her team had a losing season.  And not by just a smidge.  Until the last day of the season, her team had not only not won a single match, they hadn't even won a single set!  They had lost miserably in straight sets week after week after week.  But in the current climate, the first place team and the last place team "earn" the same trophy. 

Not only do I find this a waste of resources and not a prudent way to raise kids, but I am just appalled at the environmental impact.  Nothing but parental guilt keeps us holding on to all these meaningless trophies.  But at some point, they will go in the trash--even if it is not until they move out of the house and it seems more socially acceptable to get rid of them.  My kids have tons of these trophies at this point.  Think of that multiplied by all the other kids who get these darned things nationwide.  What a huge landfill need that creates! 

Simply Sunday #15

Hello!

So, here is something I've done recently to simplify my life...

I organized my bedroom closet!  So simple, but it has really lifted my spirits. 

Though in the last year I've given away a tremendous amount of clothing and reduced by 75% the amount of closet space I was consuming, my closet still felt cluttered.  At this point, I don't want to get rid of anything else.  But the problem was that everything was a huge, chaotic mess.

One problem was that clothing I only use part of the year was taking up room in seasons when I couldn't use it.  As we are now well into summer, I took the opportunity to collect all the winter clothing and put it in one location, out of the way.  That thinned the rest of the closet and freed up more space.

I also gathered together things I need to hold onto, but don't need frequently, e.g., formal attire.  Those items too are now out of my way.

It has felt so liberating to have a de-cluttered, more organized closet!  If I get time, I would like to organize it more.  But for the time being, just getting out of the way out of season and occasionally used items has helped tremendously. 

I feel like I've expanded my closet space simply by organizing the existing space better.  That same reality happens all over our homes.  We sometimes think we need a certain square footage and/or rented storage space to hold all our stuff.  But in truth, we often can make due with less through a combination of being realistic about what we actually use and need, and organizing our existing space more wisely.

I hope this helps!  Have a great day.

Unexpected Gifts

So, our family has gone through three different major simplifying life changes that cut our household income approximately in half.  Each one has been a little scary initially.  But we're frugal and we're savers.  And we've planned a lot before each one of these life changes.  So ultimately we didn't have any real serious concerns.  And we never had any regrets.  Quite the opposite.

But one of the things we've experienced each time was the prospect of cutting out (more!) luxuries from our family budget.  This last major life change was in some ways the most jarring.  It took our family to the lowest income level we've ever had.  Again, we'd planned a lot beforehand and knew it was possible.  But especially in the beginning we really had to tighten our belt.  We didn't go out to eat much previously, but we cut it out completely for a full year.

I'm not into Coach purses, my husband doesn't want a sports car.  Neither of us drinks or gambles.  But travel and eating out are our two weaknesses.  So this was a sacrifice.  But we knew it was not forever.  And frankly, some people never get to go out to restaurants.  We're blessed to have eaten out as many times as we have in our lives.  And we were confident that we would again at another point in our life.

But one thing that was really interesting was that once we began this year long restaurant fast, we began to receive gift cards to eat out. 

One friend gave me a Starbuck's card when I left my job.  I never buy fancy coffee for myself, so that was a real treat. 

Another friend completely out of the blue sent me a gift card for a national restaurant chain.  She was excited for and proud of our major life change.  She was also very thoughtful and realized we were having to cut back to do it, so she wanted to treat us to a night out.  We really enjoyed that a lot! 

Yet another friend recently gifted me a Starbuck's card--just as I had pretty much squeezed the last few cents out of the first one. 

And perhaps the most amazing instance of all this was a total stranger who came up to me and my kids at a grocery store.  He explained that someone had given him a gift card for a national restaurant chain but it was not his cup of tea.  He asked if I'd like to have the card.  Initially, I thought this a strange question, but he was an elderly man and didn't seem dangerous.  :)  It was a restaurant we'd frankly never been to, and our whole family had a terrific time.

Oh, and did I mention that we won a $25 gift card at our local grocery store?!  We never win anything.  We haven't used it yet, but have plans to treat ourselves to a fancy home cooked meal with it.  We're going to splurge on some ingredients we don't normally buy.

These serendipitous gifts to eat out (or eat in as in the last example) were such luxurious treats.  In our year of fasting from restaurants, we really appreciated them.  There is nothing like fasting from something to make you appreciate it more!

And as a person of faith, I see the hand of God in all this.  We never got restaurant gift cards in the past, this was unique and special.  And it came at a time when we most appreciated these treats.  Very special.

Simply Sunday #14

Hi!  I hope you are having a FABULOUS Sunday.

Here is something I have done this week to simplify my life...

I cleaned out some kitchen cabinets! 

My husband had been using multiple shelves as a storage place for leftover party paraphernalia.  Plates, plastic utensils, paper napkins, birthday candles, etc.  Most emblazoned with Disney Princesses or Spiderman.  It was such a jumbled mess no one ever went near it. 

When you begin to embrace voluntary simplicity, you have to avoid the urge to hoard.  My husband and I are frugal and we hate to throw things out that may have use.  We don't want to waste money or consume more landfill space.  So we often hang on to things to use them up when others might throw them out.

That is not a bad habit.  It is in keeping with the concept of voluntary simplicity to use all resources wisely.  But you do not use them wisely if they are kept in a disorganized mess that everyone avoids!  Some semblance of organization is important to make sure you are storing for later use and not just occupying more space needlessly.

So I took some time this week to take down all the stuff my husband had kept on these shelves.  I went through it all, took out stuff that didn't really belong, and reorganized the stuff that was there.  I got the stuff down to just one shelf.  And now it is organized and ready for use. 

In fact, my husband is taking our girls on a father-kid camping trip through our church in about a month.  This stuff is going to be put to good use then.  He'll need a table cloth, napkins, plates and utensils.  It will make his life easier on the trip to use disposable stuff, and we already have these items on hand.  That is what I call a win-win.

Keeping Up With the Joneses

A couple years ago at my church, our pastor had a woman in our congregation give a talk about her family's struggles to get their finances under control.  At the time, our community had been hard hit by the Great Recession.  Many were out of work.  So many had lost or were going to lose their homes.  Times were rough.  Our congregation offers Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, a course on money management.  The talk was intended to encourage others to take the course to get on better footing financially.

I remember when the woman was giving her talk, she shared that her family had spent more than they needed to on a fancy home, nice cars and nice clothes.  The pastor interrupted and asked her why they had spent more than they should have on such things.  Without any need to reflect, the woman said it was a case of "keeping up with the Joneses."  In other words, they had felt social pressure to spend money on things to appear affluent and comfortable. 

I was stunned by this response.  This woman and her family seemed so self-assured.  They were people of great faith.  I was shocked that such people would care what the Joneses--or anyone else thought about them.

But I've thought about it over the years, and am no longer shocked.  It is human nature for us to care what others think about us.  In our culture, we don't like people to think we are poor, suffering economically or not able to afford whatever we want.  We don't want to be pitied.  And we want to fit in. 

Particularly here in the 'burbs, we often have a distorted sense of others' finances.  We often think that others are doing better than they are.  They have nice things, go nice places.  So we figure they must be doing well financially. 

But if the Great Recession has taught my husband and me anything, it was to not believe the facades we were shown.  To recognize facades are not an accurate representation of reality.  When the economy tanked, we were shocked that people had misrepresented being laid off.  We were shocked at all the people in our social circle who lost their homes.  At one point, it seemed like almost everyone we knew was impacted by the economic collapse. 

I like to think that I am mature and secure enough that I don't care what others think about me and my family.  Maybe I don't obsess about it, but I am not immune to it.  And in the 'burbs where everyone is putting up facades and trying to show they are living the good life, it can be awkward and even embarrassing when you choose to live a different way and not spend like everyone else.  And I think that type of awkwardness and embarrassment is why many keep on spending instead of choosing a different lifestyle that might enable them to live a more fulfilling life.

For this reason, I'm starting a new series called "Keeping Up With the Joneses."  The point of posts in this series will be for me to share concrete examples of situations where my family and I have felt social pressures to spend money, and to describe how we have (or have not) overcome such social pressures.  I hope it will be an encouragement.  In our culture, we don't discuss financial problems openly, so it comes as a shock with others admit financial limitations.  This series will be somewhat unique for that reason.

Opportunity Costs

When I was going to apply to law school, I took a couple courses in Economics at a local community college.  I had never taken any as an undergrad, but I read somewhere that everyone who goes to law school should know something about economics.  I found it fascinating and wished in retrospect I'd taken Economics earlier, I even wished I had majored in it. 

One concept I learned in my basic Economics coursework was "opportunity cost."  It is defined differently in different settings but expresses the idea of the value of alternative choices in a given situation.  For example, if I choose to write for this blog, then I forgo spending time with my family, reading a good book, and giving my dogs a bath.  At this period in time, I've valued expressing myself in this blog over those other options.  The opportunity costs of posting to this blog are time with family, reading a book and bathing my dogs.  I've sacrificed those things to write on this blog today.

Life is full of opportunity costs.  We are constantly making decisions of how to use our time and other resources.  But we don't usually stop to consider that is what we are doing.  Typically, we are so caught up in the hectic-ness of life to realize what we are sacrificing when.  And many times we have no real option but to keep on doing what we are doing.  We have responsibilities--financial and otherwise--that restrict our options.

But sometimes we do have choices that we may not realize.  It can be hard to realize those choices because it would require thinking outside the box and making choices that others in our social circle don't make.  We humans are used to thinking in more traditional ways.  We are creatures of habit.  And it is very hard to go against the herd.  It takes vision and courage.

One reason I started this blog was to help others realize that they had choices and it might be possible to live a more fulfilling life.  Like most folks, I assumed that I'd spend the bulk of my life working frantically at a job until I was in my 60s.  But then I happened upon books about voluntary simplicity and in particular the book Your Money or Your Life by Joe Dominguez and Vikki Robin.  I began to see a different way of living that was more sustainable and more fulfilling.  I'd love for others to have similar epiphanies.

Right now I know people who are not living their best life because they are caught up in the materialism of modern American life.  They are trying to keep up with the Joneses.  They think they cannot live without certain "necessities."  They think they'd have to win the lotto to live their lives doing things they enjoy.  But that may not be the case.

I know women who would love to be stay-at-home moms instead of being away from their kids all day at a job they don't really care about. 

I know people who would like to adopt and provide a child in need a forever home.

I know people who would like to do mission work or work in the nonprofit sector.

I know people who don't mind working, but feel they are betraying their values by working in lucrative industries where the product or services may not provide social value or may create social harm.

I know people in these situations who feel stuck.  They'd rather do something else with their time and other resources, but feel like there is no other choice.  These are middle class professional people.  And to the extent that they want to continue their current spending and standard of living, they are right.  They are stuck in their current jobs--unless they are willing to make changes.

If eating out frequently or grabbing a latte on the way to work is the priority, they are stuck.

If annual vacations to luxury resorts is the priority, they are stuck.

If driving a gas guzzling vehicle is the priority, they are stuck.

If getting professional manicures or pedicures is the priority, they are stuck.

If having a smart phone for everyone in the family is the priority, they are stuck.

If buying fashionable clothes and accessories regularly is the priority, they are stuck.

If having cable TV is the priority, they are stuck.

If sending one's kid to drama camp or classes to earn a black belt are the priority, they are stuck.

If having seen all the Oscar nominated films prior to Oscar night is the priority, they are stuck.

If eating lots of meat and/or all organic produce is the priority, they are stuck.

If filling your home with junk and needing a larger home to store all the junk are priorities, they are stuck.

But note that eating out, grabbing a latte, vacations, gas guzzling vehicles, mani/pedis, smart phones, fashions, first-run movies, and a home filled with junk--these are costs you are choosing to pay if you'd rather do something else with your life.  Following your passion may be the opportunity cost to spending your money on such luxuries and needing to keep working to pay for such luxuries.

At least out here in the 'burbs, the things I listed above tend to be considered necessities by many.  They cannot conceive of a life without such things.  But if you haven't before, I encourage you to try to imagine life without them.  Ask yourself if these things are truly necessities or if you might live without them.  You may be surprised by the answer you come to.

Pursuing One's Passion

I'm at this unique and privileged point in my life.  Due to good career opportunities, our family's frugality and my husband's gainful employment, I'm in a position that I don't have to work for a paycheck.  I'm staying home with my kids and pursuing projects that are meaningful to me. 

I'm well into my 40s, and there is so much I want to do with whatever time I have left.  I wish I had several lives to live! 

I'm sure if we all reflected on it, we'd all have things we'd love to do if earning a living were not the primary focus of our time.  Everyone would have a different list, but to give you just a sense, here (in no particular order) is a non-exhaustive list of things I'd love to do now that I'm no longer having to work for a paycheck:

• work as a missionary abroad or in an underserved community in our own nation
• develop an LGBT ministry within my church community
• become a foster parent
• adopt more children
• hike El Camino pilgrimage in Northern Spain with my husband and/or my kids
• backpack around Iceland, Ireland and Great Britain
• cultivate an abundant vegetable garden to share with people in my community who are food insecure
• get my Ph.D. in gender studies
• become a realtor serving in underserved neighborhoods to help revitalize communities and empower families to become homeowners
• host an exchange student
• start a nonprofit business to provide jobs for marginalized people
• minister to people in prison
• do pro bono work with people in custody for immigration law violations
• participate in more protests
• write a novel

So, this may not look anything like your list.  My passions are not yours.  I only share this list with you to give you a sense of the kind of dreams I have, and to encourage you to have dreams of your own.

But I personally have found it hard to mix pursuing my passion with earning a paycheck.  I went into teaching originally with great idealism, but my own self interest caused me to view it differently than I would have otherwise.  I had to please my principal and vice-principal to avoid getting fired, so I had to tow the party line and not rock the boat.  I had to play politics instead of focusing on helping like I wanted to.  Eventually I became disillusioned with the whole thing and left for law school. 

Something similar happened when I became a lawyer.  And I've seen the same thing happen to others.  People initially go into a profession with the thoughts of helping people, but they get caught up in workplace politics and preservation of their own economic interests such that doing good becomes secondary, if not tertiary or worse.

But I've noticed something different happens when you are doing nonpaid work.  During my hiatus, I've been doing some volunteer work through my church.  I've worked hard, enjoyed it and feel I've made important contributions.  But I'm completely liberated from the worries of pleasing those in charge.  If they don't like everything I do, I frankly don't care.  They cannot fire me.  They cannot give me a bad performance review.  They have no economic carrot to dangle, no economic stick to threaten.  How incredibly liberating!!  I can just focus on helping and doing good.  How wonderful.

Note, however, that I didn't get to this point by winning the lottery.  More on that later.  But for right now, I just want to make the point that in order to pursue your passion, you may need to simplify.  If you want to spend more time on your passions--whether that is doing good in the world, pursuing creative endeavors or spending more time cultivating relationships with loved ones--then it is unlikely in my opinion that you can expect to be well-compensated for those activities.  You may need to live a simpler life in order to pursue your passion.  That may seem daunting to many.  But I don't think it is out of reach.  And one of the main reasons I'm writing this blog is to encourage you to make it happen.

Hiatus

So, I've had quite a gap in posting.  That is fine.  Life has been hectic.  And of all things, I thought it would be hypocritical to push things even more by forcing myself to post during this busy season of life.  But I'm back.

During my break, I've had time to think and reflect more on why voluntary simplicity is important.  And more than that, why it is important to those of us living in the 'burbs.  I'll be writing more about that in coming posts.

Christmas in the 'Burbs

I've thought about posting to this blog the last couple weeks.  But I thought it would be hypocritical.  As life was already in need of simplifying this time of year, making an extra effort to get time at the computer to write would have made things even less simple.  So please excuse my absence.

As a person of faith, I love Christmas.  It is a time of great joy.  And even if you are not a person of faith, it is a wonderful time to make time for merry-making with those you love.  Or at least it should be.

Ugh.  If there is a time most challenging to someone trying to live a simpler life in the suburbs, it is Christmas.  Everyone is giving everyone else presents we don't need.  But it is custom and expected.  People wouldn't think to do something different.  It is just an expected part of life.  Even our pastor got into it one year, publicly noting to the congregation that Starbuck's gift cards would be particularly appreciated.

To the extent that I feel our family cannot get around gift giving sometimes, I try to have us give baked goods that we make.  My thought is that if someone eats it, it at least won't end up in the landfill.  But making time for baking can be a challenge when so much is going on this time of year.

And at this time of year, everyone's having parties, most of which require a gift of some kind.  This is particularly true for the kids' parties.  Even though our family gives very few gifts amongst us--mostly just small things for the kids--we end up spending more than normal due to the parties.  I don't want to be a wet blanket and deny our kids going to these parties.  So, I just wonder at how much everyone is spending.  And I worry how much debt they are taking on.  I'm sure others in our social circle think we're either stingy and/or impoverished to not be giving so many gifts.  We're definitely weird by comparison.

I'm used to all that.  It is irksome, but I suppose it is tolerable.  But there was an added dimension this year.  This was the first Christmas I was on social media.  Wow, how depressing and sad. 

We had a particularly full house at Christmas this year.  At some point on Christmas day, I stole away a sanity break and looked at Facebook.  Typically I enjoy seeing my friends' cute posts of their children (human, feline or canine) and memes about various spiritual or social justice topics.  But on Christmas I was surprised at what I saw.  It was not even midday when I checked Facebook, but already there was a steady stream of images involving gifts.  Most were pictures of kids and/or kid gifts.  Kids with prized toys.  Kids with a bunch of used wrapping paper.  Kids next to piles of gifts, some wrapped, some not.  Clearly, the gifts were the focus of the day.  Again, as a person of faith, that was a shock.  That is not what Christmas is all about.

Let me say that I was not raised in a religiously observant household.  In fact, the family in which I was raised used to do the same thing.  But what struck me was that most of the posts were from families who were church-goers.  But at the end of How The Grinch Stole Christmas, even the title character could tell you that presents are not the real meaning of Christmas.  We all love that story, but I don't think we really believe its message.

My husband and I have mindfully taken a different approach at our home.  We preemptively arrange to not do a lot of presents.  And the ones we do have, we don't open until later in the day.  We focus on other fun things.  We make yummy meals together and we play games.  To direct our attention to the reason for the day, I begin the day by leading the kids in a Bible Study of the nativity story in the New Testament.  We end the day with a walk around the neighborhood to enjoy the Christmas lights.  And we watch a Christmas movie.  Second year in a row, we watched White Christmas this year. 

Those are the things that are the most fun: spending time together.  I look back at my childhood Christmases.  No matter how we spread it out.  No matter how big the pile of presents under the tree.  Once the unwrapping was over on Christmas morning, there was a let-down feeling.  So that is it?  Even when I got stuff I liked.  It was sad, we spent the rest of the day doing our own thing and not doing anything together.  We just played with our respective toys.  It was so empty.  At this point in my life, I could probably only list on one hand the number of presents I even remember getting.  Stuff like that doesn't make lasting memories.  But I believe that the fun stuff our family does together does make lasting memories.  That is what counts.

But you do feel alone when you realize what your neighbors are all doing.  It is not easy to go against the tide and do something different from those around you.  It is well worth it though.