The Road Not Taken

Living a fairly frugal life and voluntarily simplifying our consumption makes our family feel a bit out of step sometimes.  Everyone around us in the 'burbs seems to constantly grab lattes on the go, play with their smart phones and get periodic mani-pedis.  ...Ok, the last one is typically only done by the women in our community.  Technically, not "everyone" indulges in that one.  But you know what I mean.

Our family doesn't miss indulging in those sorts of things.  Honestly, we don't.  But even at church, where one might think that mammon is worshipped less, we seem to be surrounded by people who live a more pampered lifestyle than we do.  It does at times make you feel a bit odd.  It can even play with your mind at times: "What is wrong with us?!"

It reminds me of the famous Asch psychology experiments in the 1950s, which demonstrated the influence of peer beliefs on an individual's own beliefs and conformity to group norms.  The experiment involved a group of college students who were asked a serious of questions.  Unbeknownst to the real test subject, the others in the group were all working in conjunction with the psychologist who was conducting the experiment.  Those other people had been told to answer the questions in the same way.  Sometimes they all gave the correct answer, but other times they all gave the same incorrect answer.  Some of the real test subjects tried to resist the peer pressure and give correct answers--even when all the others in the group gave the same incorrect answer.  However, they couldn't keep it up.  Eventually, about 75% of the test subjects gave up and purposely gave incorrect answers simply to conform with the others in the group. 

I first read about the Asch experiments several decades ago in an undergrad psychology course, but it really impressed me and I think about it not infrequently.  How strong is our human desire to conform to the group and to not be different.  No one wants to be a weirdo!

I'm convinced that is what underpins the "Keeping Up With the Joneses" mentality, which keeps us on a treadmill of overwork to afford our over-consumptive lifestyles.  It is important to recognize what is going on and to get off that treadmill.

And in the 'burbs where pretty much everyone else is on that treadmill, I know that is so hard.  But I want to encourage you that it is worth it.  Our family spends less money now on our needs and luxuries than we have in a very long time--certainly in the adult years of my husband and my lives.  But we are happier than ever.  We cook together, watch movies from the library, and play in local parks.  These are good times.

To be continued?

But I do want to find time to blog because, truthfully, here in the 'burbs, I feel a constant tension between wanting to focus on those priorities and the societal pressures that push us towards materialism and consumerism. 

My husband has half joked over the years that he wants our family to be a self-contained unit.  I love family time as much as the next person.  But we need to be involved in community and have friends, so we cannot be completely self-contained.

But because of the pushes towards materialism and consumerism, I do wonder periodically if we should be living elsewhere.  But where?

Sometimes I think we should trade our big, modern, HOA-governed house in a well-planned neighborhood for a home in an older, more modest neighborhood.  I have even identified neighborhoods and looked at real estate listings.  But those houses tend to be smaller.  We need a certain amount of space because we homeschool and are in the process of adopting again.  I'd love a smaller home for the upkeep, but it will be a while until we are out of the child-rearing stage and can downsize like that.

Sometimes I think we should move to a rural home and homestead.  But then I remember I am terrified of snakes and scorpions, and I've never even successfully gardened.  Plus all the extra driving would be so time-consuming.  And there are amenities we love about living in part of a large metropolitan area.  We are heavy users of the library system--both participating in activities and checking out books and other media.  And this year, my kids and I have explored the performing arts more.  I found frugal ways to get us to the symphony, opera and ballet.  Very fun!  I don't want to leave those things behind.

And to be honest, I am so tired of moving.  I've moved a fair amount in my life and now I just want to stay put.  I want to bloom where I am planted currently.  I do dream of retiring to a little condo with my hubby some day when we are empty nesters.  But for now, the big house in the 'burbs is the best fit.

So, for better or worse, I foresee being in this house for quite a while.  And I need to ever improve my ability to resist the pressures towards materialism and consumerism.  I'm sure I'm not the only one struggling in that regard!

Has it been that long?

So, blogging is not my top priority in life.  (Surprise, surprise!)  And this is a blog about voluntary simplicity, which makes me feel like I should never stress about fitting in time to write.  But, wow!  Has it really been over a year since I posted?!  Yikes.

What have I been doing in that time? 

Raising my kids.

Dealing with some health issues (mine and other family members).

Traveling.

Volunteer work.

Blogging is not my top priority, but those things are: family, wellness, travel and helping others.  Anything else is a cherry on top!